Dr. Maya Bou Khalil, PhD in clinical and pathological psychology and psychoanalyst, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a notable figure in the field. She is a member of the Lebanese Association for the Development of Psychoanalysis (ALDeP) and…
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Dr. Maya Bou Khalil, PhD in clinical and pathological psychology and psychoanalyst, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a notable figure in the field. She is a member of the Lebanese Association for the Development of Psychoanalysis (ALDeP) and…
We often reflect on our childhood experiences, recalling moments when our parents yelled, punished, or were otherwise harsh with us, leaving us feeling that life was profoundly unfair. Now, as parents ourselves, we sometimes find ourselves reacting in similar ways. We become angry—sometimes unreasonably so—yelling, punishing, or even threatening our children. This cycle raises the question: why do we react this way, and why can our children evoke such strong emotions in us? To explore this, let’s consider a few critical questions: 1.Is our anger really directed at our children, or is it about something else? 2.How do our children perceive our anger? 3.What effect does threatening our children have? 4.Can we manage our anger and frustration more effectively? 5.How can we communicate our messages to our children more effectively? Question 1: Who Are We Truly Angry With? Often, our anger towards our children is not truly about them. As adults, we deal with various stressors and frustrations in our daily lives, which can be especially intense in regions like the Middle East, where numerous variables add to our stress. Children, sensitive to our emotional states, may react with anxiety and nervousness, which can exacerbate our frustrations. When we’re tired or overwhelmed, even normal childlike behavior—being loud, messy, or simply energetic—can trigger an outsized reaction. In these moments, it’s crucial to remember that our children are just being themselves. They need a nurturing, calm environment to feel safe and supported. As parents, our role is to provide a stable home where they can thrive, rather than a space filled with fear and anxiety. Question 2: What Do Our Kids Hear When We Are Angry? Imagine someone is yelling and screaming at you. How would you feel? Likely scared, anxious, or defensive. You might stop listening and start planning how to retaliate. Our children experience similar feelings when we react with anger. The message we intend to convey gets lost in the noise of our emotions. Before reacting, it’s beneficial to take a step back. Allowing ourselves a few moments to calm down can make a world of difference. This break helps us communicate more effectively, ensuring our children understand that, even when they err, we are their allies and protectors. Question 3: Is Threatening Our Children a Destructive Maneuver? Threatening children can often lead to negative outcomes. When faced with threats, children, like adults, may feel scared, resentful, or rebellious rather than compliant. The language we use and the tone we adopt can significantly impact the effectiveness of our communication. Instead of using threats, we should aim to educate our children about the consequences of their actions in a calm and informative manner. For instance, explaining the natural consequences of a behavior can be far more effective than using fear as a motivator. Question 4: Are There Ways to Cope with Our Anger and Frustration? …
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