We often reflect on our childhood experiences, recalling moments when our parents yelled,
punished, or were otherwise harsh with us, leaving us feeling that life was profoundly unfair.
Now, as parents ourselves, we sometimes find ourselves reacting in similar ways. We become
angry—sometimes unreasonably so—yelling, punishing, or even threatening our children. This
cycle raises the question: why do we react this way, and why can our children evoke such strong
emotions in us?
To explore this, let’s consider a few critical questions:
1.Is our anger really directed at our children, or is it about something else?
2.How do our children perceive our anger?
3.What effect does threatening our children have?
4.Can we manage our anger and frustration more effectively?
5.How can we communicate our messages to our children more effectively?
Question 1: Who Are We Truly Angry With?
Often, our anger towards our children is not truly about them. As adults, we deal with various
stressors and frustrations in our daily lives, which can be especially intense in regions like the
Middle East, where numerous variables add to our stress. Children, sensitive to our emotional
states, may react with anxiety and nervousness, which can exacerbate our frustrations. When
we’re tired or overwhelmed, even normal childlike behavior—being loud, messy, or simply
energetic—can trigger an outsized reaction.
In these moments, it’s crucial to remember that our children are just being themselves. They need
a nurturing, calm environment to feel safe and supported. As parents, our role is to provide a
stable home where they can thrive, rather than a space filled with fear and anxiety.
Question 2: What Do Our Kids Hear When We Are Angry?
Imagine someone is yelling and screaming at you. How would you feel? Likely scared, anxious,
or defensive. You might stop listening and start planning how to retaliate. Our children
experience similar feelings when we react with anger. The message we intend to convey gets lost
in the noise of our emotions.
Before reacting, it’s beneficial to take a step back. Allowing ourselves a few moments to calm
down can make a world of difference. This break helps us communicate more effectively,
ensuring our children understand that, even when they err, we are their allies and protectors.
Question 3: Is Threatening Our Children a Destructive Maneuver?
Threatening children can often lead to negative outcomes. When faced with threats, children, like
adults, may feel scared, resentful, or rebellious rather than compliant. The language we use and
the tone we adopt can significantly impact the effectiveness of our communication.
Instead of using threats, we should aim to educate our children about the consequences of their
actions in a calm and informative manner. For instance, explaining the natural consequences of a
behavior can be far more effective than using fear as a motivator.
Question 4: Are There Ways to Cope with Our Anger and Frustration?
Yes, there are effective strategies for managing our anger:
∙Calm yourself down. Take deep breaths or count to ten.
∙Step away. Remove yourself from the situation if needed.
∙Resist the urge to lash out. Keep your emotions in check.
∙Avoid immediate conflict. Address issues when you are calmer.
∙Defer to a partner. If you’re too upset, let your partner handle the situation.
∙Use calm moments to communicate. Discuss the issue when everyone is relaxed.
∙Reflect on negative thoughts. Write them down and evaluate them when calm.
∙Encourage positive behaviors. Focus on fostering a positive environment.
Question 5: How to Get the Message Across?
To communicate effectively with our children, we must approach them with love, calmness, and
a positive attitude. Even when we face challenging situations, maintaining a composed and
supportive demeanor helps ensure that our messages are understood and accepted. Yelling,
screaming, and threatening only serve to undermine the bond with our children and can lead to
misunderstanding and resentment.
In conclusion, while parenting can be challenging and our children may sometimes push our
buttons, it’s crucial to respond with patience and understanding. By managing our emotions and
communicating calmly, we can foster a nurturing environment that helps our children grow and
thrive.
Author: Dr Zeina Ghossoub
For more articles like this, head to: LIFE COACHING – Executive-Women
العربية 
English